Francis Bacon Rap

Bacon:

Millennials let me introduce you to this guy

His name’s Aristotle; famous in 335

When he founded the school Lyceum, in Athens, Greece,

Too bad it fell to the Romans ‘cause he couldn’t keep the peace.



Your formalized logic and over-rationalization,

Was an observational study, you don’t infer causation

Ya were bickering with Platonics ‘bout their theory of forms,

I was the one making all the major reforms.

I

You were a tutor, right? Wow such an honor

On the other hand, I’m known as the F****** godfather.

And let me ask you something about your theories of gravity,

You couldn’t think of testing them from your very own balcony?



I mean did you REALLY think that heavier objects fall faster?

You’re less qualified than an elementary schoolmaster.

All you ever do is ponder about the sky

But you lack activeness - never tested to find out WHY.



Aristotle:

Hit it Ptolemy. Ptolemy turning on metronome



Let me just start off by saying that all you’ve said is false;

Compared to my work-ethic, your life’s but a waltz

I wasn’t born into an upper class family like you

I worked for my success; I hustled and came through.



Isaac Newton, a genius, mathematical whizz,

English like you, but people know who he is,

You think you’re important cause of the scientific method,

But Sir, I’m pretty sure that he’s the real legend.



You really thought you could get the Queen on your side,

But little did you know, you’d only be denied.

(Sarcastically) Ish ok, wittle Bacon, don’t cwy, at weast you twied,

Even if you got completely rejected when the Queen replied.es



You think you’re Moses of Science; Columbus of the Mind?

You’ve had no significant effect on humankind.

I'm sorry if this battle has left you so blue,

But unlike your hair: (Sing) I'll be there for you.



Bacon:

You’re old Aristotle, and your theories are as well,

Ya got a scraggly beard and your mouth kinda smells.

Don’t even get me started about your B.O.

Ya smell like you’ve been pooped on by a buffalo



I was an undergrad at 15 and P.H.D in my 20s,

At that age you were working hard for only pennies

You rationalist thinkers are like spiders in their webs,

The structures are impressive, but still you guys are plebs.



There’s no meaningful contact with the external world,

You stay inside your bubbles, oblivious and furled.

Just thinking isn’t everything, it’s basically a rest,

First collect data THEN run those t-tests.



“Words are but images of matter” - that’s my signature quote,

Definitely better than anything YOU ever wrote.

You’re philosophical writings have no practical use,

I’m no mathematician, but this I can deduce

Aristotle:

Oh you wanna go there?



Where is he? Oh there he is, you little pop tart.

There are no small thinkers but you're all small parts.

No wonder you're called Bacon - ya look like a hog!

How long has it been since you’ve gone for a jog?



If my kind are spiders then empiricists are ants,

Ya don’t know what your data means at 5th glance

Control over nature, that your ultimate belief?

Lemme disprove you, don’t worry it’ll be brief.



Events are inconsistent, they just happen by chance,

Destiny’s out of our hands, we’re bound by circumstance.

Your deterministic nonsense and experimentalism,

Is as valid as materialistic transcendentalism.



Now I know you got a whole method under your name

But nobody ever acknowledged your claim.

And please, take a look at all the children here

They shed tears when your scientific method is near



Bacon:

You say ya understand people, just by observation,

Talents, virtues, sins, just by examination.

But ya know once I searched you up on the internet

You’re top search said all your stuff was incorrect.



But here’s the thing, you weren’t just mildly in error,

You led the entire West into the Dark Age terror.

Europe didn’t escape from the depths of ignorance

Until it got past Aristotle’s influence.



I reject you Aristotle, you’re philiosophy’s a scam,

Just

Bacon